thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
