Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
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