A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
it was like eating out sand paper
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
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