he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
