Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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