I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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