are you so shy because you have an std?
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
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