anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
