I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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