i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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