we're blogging at a bar
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Randomize
