You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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