i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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