I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
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