The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
