Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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