i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
