When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
