I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
