worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
