He is an equal opportunity slut.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
