She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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