If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
