Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
