3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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