Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
