Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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