whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
