Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I have already put on my inside pants.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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