I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
