i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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