the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
