I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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