Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
