I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
