The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
