Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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