Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
