Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
