My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
