Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
