Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
