Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
