you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
