1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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