I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
i came on her dog
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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