I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
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