i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
