So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
