I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I need to calm my uterus...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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