not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Only a mothe r could love this liver
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
